Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
