i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
