I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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