NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
