Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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