i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
