I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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