Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
