glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
