i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize