New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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