id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize