i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
