So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
