His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
don't judge my taste in strippers
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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