It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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