no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
