we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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