So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
