Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
