if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
two words...techno handjob
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
