Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
