I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
