Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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