no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
false alarm. still invincible.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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