it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize