im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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