Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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