he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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