Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
please don't ironically join a cult
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