I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
