Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I looked at my own cervix.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
