big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
