I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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