so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
