im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
