So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
