we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
