I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
They took my balls.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
