you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
