That's when you crack a 10am beer
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
