I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
