I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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