dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
