I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
