It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
