I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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