Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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