is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
