Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
