Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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