he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You did what with his pubic hair?
Shame - the story of my life.
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