He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
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