I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
