tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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