will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize