it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
