Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
