i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize