Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
