His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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