I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
