my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
