Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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