Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
