Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
