I accidentally had phone sex last night
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
