My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
