So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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