i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
