We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Drunk is not a location!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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