i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
